THE ODESSA FILE

A tribute to the Medical Profession

2010-10-31T21:10:00.001-07:00

(Another) Letter to An Angry Patient

2010-05-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Mrs. Creamer:

I'm sorry you chose to leave prior to your evaluation. As you should have been aware, we were quite busy.

When the waiting room is packed and there is no place to sit down, that's usually an indication that it's going to take a while to see the doctor. Especially after midnight when I am the only one on duty.

As the sign on the wall states, patients are not seen in the order of their arrival. They are seen in order of their acuity. That means that as long as people who can't breathe or whose faces are bashed in keep arriving, I will have to at least go check on them before I can make it around to evaluate your butt pain from slipping at Wal-Mart.

Yes, we know you have (and are) a pain in the butt. Coming out to the nurse's station every five minutes to yell at the staff does not encourage me to see you any sooner. In fact, the opposite is true. When I noticed that you were able to walk and talk (loudly), I was then able to put you lower on the acuity scale and move you farther toward the bottom of the stack of charts. Thanks for the help.

Paradoxically, if you would have stayed in your room and kept quiet I would have seen you much sooner. I worry more about patients that I haven't yet seen than those whom I can easily tell at a glance are not severely injured or dangerously ill. Consider that as a helpful hint for your next visit.

This is the order in which I decide to see patients:
1) patients who are dying
2) patients who might die
3) patients with disfiguring facial trauma
4) kids with fevers
5) nice patients who don't yell
6) you

You have already made it clear to the entire ER that you are going to file a complaint anyway, so why should I delay the care of my other patients in order to evaluate you? I might as well try to make everyone else happy instead.

Oh, and yelling to the world that you have to go to work at 7:30 AM does not buy you any sympathy from the staff or your fellow patients.

Are you suggesting that you are more important than these other folks, or that they don't have to go to work? How insulting. Get your obnoxious (but uninjured) ass back in your room or leave. We don't really have a preference.

Sincerely,

(Almost) your ER doc

HAITI NEEDS YOUR HELP

2010-01-14T17:13:00.001-08:00

A twitter feed from Redcross. Please consider donating to help relief efforts in Haiti! Your cellphone bill will reflect your $10 tax deductible donation. Text "Haiti" to 90999 to donate. 100% of your $10 donation passes thru to @RedCross for Haiti relief. Your cell carrier keeps nothing

Not a nurse by choice, but by fate

2009-12-13T14:05:00.000-08:00

What is it about being a nurse that I despise? I can only sigh. Nope, I am not that little girl who while growing up wanted to become a nurse someday... No sireee... I've always felt that I was forced into this profession by my father who gave me the following choices: it's nursing or you don't go to college. Almost didn't go to college though, but because I was too proud to fit the profile of a "bum", I clearly had to choose nursing. That is as simple as I can plainly illustrate the very forces that pushed me towards this path. Embarrassing as it sounds, it is the truth. I am a reluctant nurse, and it is this reluctance that has paved the way for this blog. For more valuable lessons started to drizzle in as I thread the abhorring direction, surprisingly to me, but I am pretty certain that such are expectations of those who consciously chose to be... that is, a nurse.
So here I am, seventeen years hence from obtaining the license to be a potential threat to humanity one patient at a time (it may sound funny but come to think of it, I do have the potential if I mess up and could cost a life, you know)... six years practicing my "fate" in California with a dagger of lawsuit always hanging one hair above my head... almost extinct 'nurse' friends actually grown tired of listening to my whining, with a number of them actually disowning me... and dare might you ask how I am?
Good question, though... my mind debating over which is more important to consider.... asking me how I am or asking my patients how they were?
Okay... I am now working in one of the largest health system in America (particularly California) with a well acclaimed hospital that's almost perfect (well, it did hire me, did it not?... smirk...) I just recently got hired by a very prestigious Catholic hospital based in Orange County (that's my job no.2) and just recently, had undergone the grueling interrogation by a panel of highly intellectual doctors, administrators, experts of their own respective fields, in the hope that they also mess up by considering of promoting me to clinical nurse III. And, oh, by the way, if they do mess up, well, I am planning to further my course by taking up masters....
I know, it's a jaw-dropping contradiction to my previous introduction...
Consider it like this... A girl, not just an ordinary girl, but the most popular girl on campus, with a flock of admirers never leaving her side....yes picture that...
and then, there's this suitor... a freakishly nerd admirer, constantly bugging her with flowers, phone calls, love letters... heck, he even does the same to the girl's mother just for a chance to visit the girl at home....
The girl ended up marrying the latter... why? Her father said so....'forced' into it... sounds familiar?
So the girl eventually grows into it... yes, she started seeing her husband in a different way. The thick glasses concealed a pair of stunningly rich blue eyes...
The braces that are now gone, reveals a perfect set of pearly white teeth...
And oh, nerd as he was and until now, he established his own corporation 3 months after college and has now been neck to neck with Bill Gates...
And as always, he was ever faithful and adores his wife unconditionally....

That's me and nursing... yes.... I was the nerd...hahahaha....I wish...

I may not be a nurse by choice... But fate has brought me to this most honorable profession in the planet. It is uniquely honorable. I mean, demeaning as it may seem when outsiders consider bedpans as the secondary ID for a nurse on the floor (oh look, she's holding a bedpan... she's probably the nurse)... or when the nurse almost jumps for joy (like winning the lottery or something) when she hears a "yes" coming from a post op patient who has just confirmed to her that he has farted... it is honorable because it doesn't care as much for its own image as it does for the person in need of care... no, it's the least of our concerns. Our scrubs are not worn to be glamorous but to be soiled at the end of the shift. The heavy stethoscope that dangles around our neck is our first weapon against the shadow of death that lurks around every hospital bed... We are a warrior upfront, in this tug-of-war of life and death, and we join the health team in winning the patient back to the side of life, as God permits...
Fate led me to this profession. I am NOT PROUD of it... I am HUMBLED by it... I do not deserve the honor... not worthy at all....

Kudos to all the nurses who are here by choice... I am your number one fan!

SITE MAKEOVER

2009-10-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

Hi there! I'm so thrilled to share my new site! It took me 2 hours to do the makeover (as I had to adjust the number of columns, etc.)
Thank you for visiting me today! Have a nice weekend!

Nurse Jackie

2009-10-31T00:07:00.001-07:00

Finally! A show through the eyes of a nurse! Nurse Jackie is hilarious! =)

Have you tried this my fellow nurses?

2009-10-15T17:07:00.001-07:00

Remembering my Grandpa Phil

2009-10-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

(Grandpa Phil passed away last July 6,2008. This was my eulogy during the memorial service. )

I WAS GROWING UP KNOWING THAT I HAD A GRANDFATHER SOMEWHERE IN ILOILO… ALL I KNEW WAS, HE WAS MY DAD’S FATHER, HE’S A DOCTOR, HE HAS A TOTAL OF SEVENTEEN CHILDREN, AND HE WOULD BE HOW MY DAD WOULD LOOK LIKE WHEN HE’S 94.

I WAS IN MY COLLEGE DAYS WHEN I FIRST RECEIVED A LETTER FROM HIM. HE TOLD ME HE READ A LETTER THAT I WROTE FOR — I GUESS ONE OF MY AUNTS– AND HE SAID HE LOVED MY LETTER AND WISHED THAT HE GETS ONE LIKE THAT TOO. AT THAT TIME, HE WAS PRACTICALLY A STRANGER TO ME. BUT HIS LETTER GAVE ME A GLIMPSE OF THE KIND OF PERSON HE WAS—SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ME AND CARES FOR ME.

FOUR YEARS AGO, WHEN I FIRST STEPPED INTO AMERICAN SOIL, MY FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH LOLO PHIL HAPPENED DURING THE BABY SHOWER OF TITA DIDING HELD IN HER APARTMENT IN PASADENA. I SAW AN OLD MAN WEARING A CAP, SOMEONE WHO INDEED LOOKS LIKE MY DAD BUT OLDER AND THINNER, SMILING AT ME THE MINUTE I WALKED THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR. BUT I WAS SCARED TO GO TO HIM AT FIRST, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY. SO I SORT OF DELAYED A BIT IN APPROACHING HIM. HE MUST’VE GUESSED, BECAUSE THE MINUTE I SAT BESIDE HIM AND KISSED HIM ON THE CHEEK, HE NEVER LOST A SECOND TO START TELLING ME STORIES… HE ASKED ME ABOUT OUR HOUSE IN CAINTA, ABOUT KARL AND AIMEE, ABOUT MAMA AND DADA. HE SHOWED INTEREST IN EVERY ANSWER I GAVE HIM. I STARED AT HIM IN AWE OF HOW SHARP AND HOW IMPRESSIVE HIS MEMORY WAS. MY HEART WAS POUNDING. I AM GETTING TO KNOW MY GRANDFATHER AT LAST. AT THAT INITIAL MOMENT, I FELT HIS LOVE. IT WASN’T HARD TO LOVE HIM BACK DURING THOSE FIRST FEW MINUTES OF OUR CONVERSATION.

I HAVE ONLY KNOWN LOLO PHIL FOR FOUR YEARS. BUT HE TAUGHT ME A LOT OF LIFE LESSONS THAT I SHALL TREASURE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. HIS STORIES ABOUT MY DAD WERE HILARIOUS – AND THEY’RE VERY GOOD MATERIALS FOR ME TO TAUNT AND TORTURE MY DAD. THANK YOU, LOLO.

OF THE NUMEROUS LESSONS IN LIFE HE TAUGHT ME, I LEARNED SO MANY OF THE PRICELESS ONES DURING HIS LAST FEW DAYS. HE GAVE ME THE BEST EXAMPLE OF SELF-SACRIFICE. HE LOVED US SO MUCH, HE WOULD STILL THINK ABOUT US AND NOT HIMSELF. THE COUNTLESS TIMES I ASKED HIM IF HE’S IN PAIN, HE COMPLETELY DENIED… AND YET MY PROFESSIONAL TRAINING WOULD HINT OTHERWISE. FOR I HAVE SEEN PAIN IN THE EYES OF MY PATIENTS, AND I KNEW HIS WAS EXTREME. AND YET, JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN’T WANT ME TO WORRY MORE, HE WOULD MANAGE A SMILE. AND IF HE’S STRONG ENOUGH, CRACK A LITTLE JOKE, AND THEN TRY HARD TO HIDE HOW HE REALLY FELT.

THERE’S ALSO THAT LESSON ABOUT MY BEING A NURSE. JUST TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE BACKGROUND, I WAS FORCED INTO THIS COURSE BY MY DAD (WHO TAKES PRIDE IN TELLING ME I OWE HIM A BIG DEAL NOW). I TRIED TO EVADE BECOMING A NURSE THE VERY FIRST DAY I GRADUATED. EVEN AS I AM STILL WORKING AS A NURSE, I AM NOT CONFIDENT THAT I FIT INTO IT. IT’S ONLY WHEN LOLO GOT REALLY SICK THAT I REALIZED GOD’S WISDOM- OF WHY I AM A NURSE.

LOLO PHIL TOLD ME, THAT HE FEELS SAFER WHEN I’M WATCHING HIM. THAT HE KNOWS I’M GOING TO DRAW ALL HELL LOOSE IF HE DOESN’T GET THE SPECIAL CARE FROM THE NURSES. HE SAID THAT I WAS EVEN DOING A BETTER JOB THAN THE ICU NURSES… THAT BEING A NURSE FIT ME, AND THAT IT WAS INDEED MY TRUE CALLING. HE WAS APPRECIATING EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I DID FOR HIM – FROM HELPING HIM TURN FROM SIDE TO SIDE, GIVING HIM THE BEDPAN, CLEANING HIM UP, ETC. –AS IF HE KNEW HE WAS THANKING ME FOR THE LAST TIME… LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW… LIKE HE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO DO IT WHEN I COME BACK. I ALWAYS END UP CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP WHEN I GO HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL, SO AFRAID TO BE AWAY FROM HIM AND NOT PROTECT HIM- KNOWING THAT HE MIGHT GO ANYTIME. LOLO PHIL CHANGED MY PERSPECTIVE—HE MADE NURSING VERY PERSONAL TO ME.

AND THAT DREADFUL DAY CAME… AND SO HERE WE ARE… HONORING A MAN WHOM I HAVE KNOWN FOR MERELY FOUR YEARS— A SHORT TIME COMPARED TO MOST OF HIS GRANDCHILDREN, BUT ENOUGH TIME TO MAKE ME LOVE HIM MY WHOLE LIFE.

ALL I WANT TO SAY TO YOU LOLO IS, YOU HAVE NOW GAINED A PRIZE THAT IS FAR GREATER THAN WHAT YOU COULD’VE WON, BUYING ALL THOSE 2 DOLLAR LOTTO TICKETS FOR 24 YEARS. IT’S A NO-BRAINER FOR ST PETER, YOU DESERVE A MANSION WITHIN THE GATES OF HEAVEN. NOW THAT YOU ARE OFFICIALLY MY GUARDIAN ANGEL, KEEP SMILING OVER US, LOLO. THOUGH YOU HAVE LEFT SUCH A HUGE VOID IN MY HEART FOR LEAVING US – AND FOR THAT I SHALL MISS YOU TERRIBLY– THE THOUGHT THAT YOU ARE NOW HAPPY AND PEACEFUL –WITHOUT PAIN AND SUFFERING – THAT WARMS MY HEART… THAT KEEPS ME GOING.

THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING AND SHARING OUR LOVE WITH LOLO PHIL. GOD BLESS .

Simply,

The Road I Dared Travel by Odessa Zapanta

2009-10-05T15:25:00.000-07:00

Four Blocks from where time now stood…
I was the young traveler, with fervor, yet flaring
Amongst the crossroads, whatever I have chosen,
would
The path where my dreams and my destiny be meeting.

Youth binds my heart with dreams of my own
Which in no hesitation am I prepared to reach
With determination and support from my folks,
The wisdom of my teachers, and the
hand of God I beseech…

Then I caught sight of other hopeful travelers
Making their way towards the bend
I suddenly found my path entwined with theirs
And not for long, I made friends.

Along the way we gathered tools which we’ll be needing
Tools invaluable as knowledge, skills,
patience, and tender caring.
The now perplexed, young traveler went towards
the narrow road called "nursing"...
With many sets of footprints in two directions
revealing to and fro…

I wondered, can I make it to where I ought to go?

The second block had more rocks and bends
The third, with dust that would cause tears in the eyes..
Pain and the numerous times I fell and hit the ground,
At the brink of giving up, I raise my arms to the skies…
Then friends would help me stand up and say
"Come on! It’s still a long way!"…
Twas only then that I realized,
time taught me how to pray.

Rock by rock, pit by pit, patient by patient.
The road is indeed tough, and the hardship evident,
But every caring deed we made, our patients recalled
Though there were times that some might forget
The gentle touch, the smile we made,
the loving care rendered..
Nursing has taught us not to regret
For deep in our hearts we always knew
the Lord remembered…

The fourth block, should have been
the last block after "nursing"
And we are now standing beneath the sign…
Lo and behold, more crossroads,
and more steeper bends…
The road of nursing, we thought had end…
Had only begun, with memories rend
Four blocks from where we now stood….
We carry on, where we should…..

Prayers Can Move Mountains

2009-10-03T11:21:00.001-07:00

For all those afflicted by the recent disasters:
Massive Flooding in the Philippines,
Earthquake in Indonesia
and Tsunami in Samoa ...
May God be with you during these difficult times.

Simply,

NURSE RHYMES

2009-10-02T23:46:00.000-07:00

written august 1, 2006 in my journal...

You know what rhymes with nurse? Worse! …. hahaha, very funny… But it’s not funny when you’re the one rendering care, and the receiving end of such care thinks otherwise….despite your efforts….despite her unending demand and your desperate attempts to please….. You thought she would be happy afterwards? No. Instead, she’ll look at you, from head to toe, blaming you because she feels worse…. blaming the nurse for everything, in fact…..why she got sick, why her mother didn’t come to visit….why she’s in financial hell…. why her pain never got away after the last pill you gave….then goes the vicious words coming from her stale mouth …. and where do such words hit you? Ahhhh…the nurse should know how to handle it… we’re superhuman….we are shielded with the cloth of patience and understanding…. it’s nothing personal, you say to yourself…she’s very sick…..poor thing….

Purse…. yeah…it rhymes… it does compensate… whoa….way too many choices of attractive bonuses…. and wow! during recruitment, they treat you like a princess…you get lured… you get hitched… and boom…. before you know it…you’re there…working….. all of a sudden, you’re not a princess anymore… you’re some slave that they expect you to work despite their violation of patient ratios…. you are supposed to be competent, so even though you’re overworked, there’s no room for mistakes….No no no no no…. A mistake will mean lawsuit… not that it matters that you got so tired because you couldn’t take a break even though it’s mandatory….not that you have so many distractions…You made a mistake…period… okay…you’re warned… what? another mistake? you’re suspended….oh no… a third mistake, we have to report you to the board of nursing…. this is too much… you’re fired… and oh, the Board Of Nursing says, you can’t work for 6 months….for a year…forever… oh well…

Curse… a burned out nurse would definitely agree… one who worked long enough not to care anymore …… I marvel at some nurses who lost their passion….. yet I can’t blame them… they’re like lifeless robots… just working……oh, the nurse assistant was trembling when she reported that the BP of the patient was 210/106… a bored look from the nurse, then said, "don’t worry, he’s DNR (do not resuscitate) anyway."…. I gasped in disbelief…but do I really become this person once I worked the years away? How often does this tired person work? ten twelve-hour shifts in two weeks..different hospitals all over the country in fact…. She has survived the rampage, the jungle…. but she’s lifeless now….

I can’t think of anything else that rhymes with nurse at this time… Two years working in California…… has made me ten years older…. sometimes I wonder if it’s all worth it… But i hesitate to look at it as a burned out nurse would…. I push myself so hard into accepting every thorn in my heart…. but I’m only human…I cry…no, I weep…. no, I breakdown…. I seek relief as I silently shed those tears in the chapel after a hard days work… Dear Lord, I’m not strong…. Surely there’s another way….but only when I’m weak that Your Power is made known….

When you stare in the eyes of death more than any living creature does, it consumes your very being…..it’s not that you get tired…and that after some sleep, you regain your strength…. no, not like that at all… You get drained, because you spent all your energy tugging your patient on the side of life… but in the back of your mind, you know that when death becomes determined, no skill, no knowledge, no technology, nothing can change it’s course…. there’s only….remorse….

A patient died in my care last night…It’s the third time somebody dies in my care in all the combined years I worked as a nurse at bedside ( not that I’m a good nurse, it’s only because I was lucky enough that my patients die in other shifts or when I’m off….for which I solely believe to be the Lord being kind enough to hear my frequent prayer prior to working:"Lord, please don’t let any of my patients die in my care tonight. Let it be a night of life for them.")…My profession would’ve made me numb to death…. I should expect death….but I don’t…. I expect life…. all the time…. call me naive….or insane… or a fool….but I am just that……I always expect life even in the face of death…..silly me….. so when death happens, there’s no shield to protect me…. I die inside…. ahhhh yes….you think I should be in a different career….yes, I think so too….or I’ll be 80 years old when I’m 40….

Can you think of other words that rhymes with nurse? I can’t anymore…. Other words are entering my mind, and they don’t rhyme with nurse….

LOVE….. COMPASSION…. PERSEVERANCE………HEALING…..DISCIPLE…

GOD’S HANDS……it goes on and on…. they’re all beautiful and inspiring…

I pray that those words that enter your mind, rhyme or not, are as beautiful as mine…….

PS… that’s why I seldom write poems… I’m bad at rhymes….

Simply,